Anger

What is anger?

Anger is an emotional response that tells us something is not quite right internally or externally. Anger is a state that spans from “mild irritation to intense fury” and is accompanied by “physiological and biological” responses (Spielberger). Anger is information.

How is anger informative?

When you feel angry it can often be a sign of feeling wronged, being treated unfairly, or feeling marginalized or dismissed. At its peak, anger – can indicate maltreatment, abuse, or injustice.

How can anger benefit me?

Anger can motivate change. Depending on circumstances, anger can be used – to communicate an important value, need, desire or someone’s negative impact on you. (Caution hot: Anger can be like steam, and like steam it can burn you. Therefore, it is fair to say that anger needs to be managed and communicated responsibly.)

Anger can help you to:

o   Reflect

o   Prepare and develop better plans

o   Get energized for change

o   Take useful action(s) to make things better

o   Creatively overcome internal and external challenges

o   Motivate you toward your goals

o   Access needed resources to solve challenges effectively

o   Inspire realistic and achievable solutions

o   Strengthen relationships by solving challenges collaboratively

Questions to explore your anger:

1.    What was happening prior to my experiencing anger? What led to this moment?

2.    Is my anger proportionate to the situation?

3.    What am I really angry about?

4.    Who owns the problem?

5.    What information is the anger providing?

6.    Am I managing my anger in a healthy, helpful, productive manner?

7.    Is being angry helping the situation?

8.    If getting angry is not useful - how else can I approach the situation and / or what else could I do? (If your anger is not helpful it may be time to talk to someone to better understand your anger.)

9.    What is the impact of my anger? Consequences?

10. What outcome would I like? What outcome was I expecting?

11. Have I communicated my need or want effectively? Am I being clear?

12. What could I do to resolve (change) the situation (internally /externally) that would allow calm to return?

13. Do I fully understand the situation, person, or need?

14. Am I being unproductive, reactive, or defensive?

Used wisely anger can help you clarify your values and communicate what you want.

References:

Jeremy Dean, PhD.,  2012. The upside of Anger: 6 Psychological Benefits to Getting Mad.  https://www.spring.org.uk/2012/03/the-upside-of-anger-6-psychological-benefits-of-getting-mad.php

Control anger before it controls you. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control 

Anna Collins. 27 Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Angry. https://happilyeverafter.org/27-questions-to-ask-yourself-when-youre-angry/

Harriet Lerner. The Seven Most Important Anger Questions to Ask Yourself. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-connection/201311/the-seven-most-important-anger-questions-ask-yourself